I’ve been trying to find the strength to write about this ever since my father-in-law passed away. Somehow I couldn’t find that strength and even if I did, I’ve been lost for words to write. On June 18th, 2007, the world truly lost one of it’s greatest assets when father-in-law, Haji Ahmad Bin Ismail at the age of 61 succumbed to heart failure and passed away. There is so much for us to say about this man, and there is possibly no way that it can all be said.
Ayah as we called him was one of the most important people in our entire life. I hope that I can help reflect some feelings that all of you may have as well about someone who you held close to your heart. Ayah meant the world to our family also to my wife, me and Danish. So Ayah, this one’s for you.
We’ve often found that sharing in the pain can sometimes be as healing as getting a good laugh out of a joke that Ayah would’ve played on us had he been around today. God we miss him! We still can’t seem to explain what losing someone does to you. When we look back in June 18th 2007, we couldn’t even tell you how we managed to get a grip of ourself after hearing the news. Personally, I must have swear that I felt my sanity slip away. The human mind is fascinating in that way because I really don’t remember a whole lot during the time frame of Ayah’s sudden passing and the funeral. It was like traveling through a thick fog. You remember everything before and after but somewhere in the middle, it was kind of hazy. I think that is our own way of protecting ourselves from remembering something that is so unbearable.
In a lot of ways though, I am thankful for that “haze” because there is a lot that I didn’t want to remember. Only good things. And that goes for Honey and her family as well. First part of our healing process when Ayah passed away was to TRY and pretend that we could somehow get through things without him around. We had to get in touch with enough emotions to be able to put Ayah behind, yet NEVER forget him. It’s really an impossible thing to do when you love someone so much that you just can’t live without them. That is when it comes down to what I and we, as muslims believe - ”Jodoh, ajal, maut di tangan Allah” .
I’d like to share a quote that Ayah used to tell me that I still tell others that cross my path. It is about people that always have a tendency to dump their personal problems on others. This is what he used to say about them:
“Everybody in this world carries a bucket. And in that bucket is all of the everyday problems that each of us carry. When someone decides to unload their bucket into yours, you have too much of a load to carry and your bucket will overflow. BUT, if everyone keeps the same amount in each of their buckets and doesn’t dump it into others, we will all have the same amount to deal with in our lives.”
You can take that and do what you want with it, but I always remembered that statement. It could be taken in so many different ways but to me, it just reminds me of a good man that meant the world to me. And I would’ve carried his bucket to the far ends of the universe if he was still around to make me laugh.
Ayah has left an impression on me that will stay with me until the day that I die. He taught me of what being a man was really about. A family man, he was the ultimate stand-up guy who you could trust to do anything he said he would do. He was loving, caring, and amazingly affectionate towards his children and family. His family especially his children always comes first in whatever he did. He was a provider in every sense of the word.
The bond that I think will be strongest between him and I, though, is the one we shared as fathers. When Danish was born, I could tell he was just ecstatic. I remembered the day minutes after Danish was born when I hugged him in tears as he whispered, “Congratulations, be a good father.” He was second to azan Danish’s tiny ears after me. We also washed the ‘uri’ together as he excitedly shared his experience of early fatherhood as well as his moments when my wife, brother-in-laws and sister-in-laws were born. Later we buried it together in one of the mosque nearby.
The thing is, by having a son of my own, things all started to come into perspective for me, and I could truly see where Ayah was coming from. Of course he loved his children dearly. In the same way that I love my son to death. The kind of love that is simply unmistakable, unshakeable, and unquestionable. By the same token, I now get what parents truly mean when they tell their child that they are proud of them. When I watch Danish do something new that he has never done before, or just experience the character that he is with an amazingly advanced sense of humor, I am just proud. Heck - I was proud of him before he started doing ANYTHING because of how hard he had to fight to stay alive when he was born grunting and lived the first week of his life in Intensive Care.
So when Honey was positive and pregnant with our second child, I couldn’t wait to place his new grandson into his arms, missing the valuable and sentimental moment we shared during Danish's birth. But the truth is, god loves him more.
Ayah,
you were the man in our life. You were a class act all around. We both promise that we will try to uphold the standards you had. We also promise that we will do everything in my power to make sure that your grandson, Danish, remembers who you are. As he grows, I will ensure that he, along with any other children I may be blessed enough to have in the future, knows what an amazing grandfather he had - both by verbally telling them of you, and by showing them by trying to be the father that you were to me and Honey. We love you dearly.
A lesson that I’ve learned, don’t find yourself forgetting someone that you cared so much for. Carry on their spirit and remember them always. Don’t put them completely behind you. I figure that we will ALL be together when our time is up. It’s just so hard trying to get to that point.
Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas roh Ayah dan semoga tergolong dalam mereka yang bertaqwa, Amin ya Rabbal Alamin.
We miss you!
From : Fahimi, Yusniza Hani & Wan Danish Haiqal
